So many

So many things inside my mind. So many words to say, so many feelings to scream out.

Knowing what you want is both a blessing and a curse. Wisdom always comes with a price, hence the popular saying that ignorance is bliss. 

I wanna run out, I wanna scream, I wanna scream into the stars, I want to fly into the galaxies. I wanna look into every living being’s eyes, I want to smell all the smells that I can perceive and beyond. I want to jump higher than the highest mountains, I want to open my eyes to see the entire universe. Every possible combination of all the particles that ever existed. I wanna talk to every person. 

All the thoughts storming inside my head faster than I can type or talk. Faster than I can conceive.

I want to listen all the songs, read all the books, watch all the videos, get a ride on every dream that you can think of, breathe all the air in, learn and master everything, embrace all the animals.

When you become the universe wouldn’t you become so alone that you need to find another universe just like you? How can you go on with the feeling of being connected when you need to find another missing piece of a greater puzzle to feed your ever-growing need of connection at a deeper level of consciousness?

How do you find yourself, when you don’t know which way to run? Do you really need to run anyway? Is there any way to silence the berserking thoughts of approaching the inevitable death and being alone?

How do you stop all these feelings, when you are so used to running away from everyday? How can you stop all of it when it screams rights into your face every day, every morning, everytime that you wake up?

Backstory

Do you feel like you are in a series, and everyone is a character? The characters who need a backstory at some point for the plot to advance. For the plot to make sense. Isn’t it why we watch stuff anyway? It should make sense in the end.

Some of them don’t make sense until the very end; just like some events in our life that we never fully understand individually. But when those fallen pieces join together at the end, every seemingly-random and unimportant piece finds a place. The final reveal. We love it. We all do.

Isn’t life the same? Even though we don’t realize, many people and events that are daily and subtle play an important role in the plot of our very own. 

All the people you love and you hate, all the events that were good or apparently-bad. Aren’t they all needed for this plot to advance? Aren’t they all making sense when you look back in time now?

Didn’t they always make sense? Weren’t all the signs always there and you were just too busy to notice them?

Since we’re at this very point in time, and since you’re here reading this right now, isn’t everything, including this very sentence, part of your backstory now? A backstory that makes you, you. A story in this neverending chain of events which will open the door to the next chapter. Right now, after you hit that X to close this post, a new chapter will begin in your life.

Are you ready?

You are. I know that you are.

Sometimes

Sometimes I just wanna be like normal people. Wake up, go to work, be a slave, come back, spend all your daily gain on stuff that keeps you in the loop. Maybe watch a movie, occasionaly buy something new. Put a little saving if you are lucky. Spend all of it on travel. And I think that’s it.

Repeat.

A life with no purpose, the humanized version of being a robot. Not thinking anything, just obeying and fitting into the rules of the modern society. That’s what normal people do, right? “Live.”

Smoke every five minutes go out and pretending to work while actually doing nothing. Going out with your coworkers after a hard day, spending everything in a restaurant for a few drinks and a line of cocaine in the bathroom. Smile at everyone and talk the shit behind them, expecting a rise in that small corporational fortress that you think will supercharge you. That’s the norm now.

Not thinking, just being a small gear in a stupid machine with no purpose. But I’m jealous of them. Maybe I need to wake up to the scratching sound of the alarm like them, go to work at 9am like them, do what I’m told to do, spend my lunches at restaurants full of corporate robot clones, have small talks like them, find a stupid robot girlfriend just like them, have boring casual sex like them, maybe marry that girl that I’d never really love, but that’s what society expects, right?

You need a job at a plaza, rise until you hit the glass ceiling, spend all your earnings in believing in things that you need to keep you in the loop, marry a stupid robot in that same league, create a casual identity that fits perfectly into the society of the antidepressant-filled people with no feelings.

That’s not my thing, that has never been my thing, honey. It’s all stupid and I’m jealous of it, because they are the ones who don’t think, they are the ones that just go with the flow without questioning.

They are in their small circle, pursuing their little dreams, living their happy lives.

Do you want to be like them anyway?

Anything Wrong?

What really happens when you lose your last gasp of grip? Would you be scared of not being able to have an effect on the outcomes of the events? Would you be afraid of the circumstances?

Why do we try not to lose control anyway? Is it programmed into our DNA? Does it play an evolutionary role?

When we lose control we face our true self, and when we look into the mirror we see inside of our true eyes. We dive deep into our darkest secrets; the ones that we can’t even tell ourselves.

The blurring mask of lie is lifted and we know the reasons that build the foundation of some of our dark thoughts. Are we meant to know what our thougts are made of? Do we have the ability to grasp the topics that define the rules of this universe? Do our brains that we think that are in three dimensional space with time able to physically record this undefined format of information?

We can’t even accept ourselves and our very nature, yet we feel the thrive to conquer whatever we see. We are so lost in our deep ego that we cannot see a reflection of our collective consciousness.

How can you see something, when you close ypur eyes anyway? How can you find the unknown, when you don’t know what you are looking for, in the first place?

Would order be enough or would you need some chaos into your mind? Do you want to burn some pathways down? Do you need to introduce unknowns into this system and expect it to reach any remotely-conveivable way of equilibrium? Isn’t losing control the natural way of reaching peace in the long run anyway?

Then I ask again; is there really anything wrong with losing control anyway?

Nothing to Lose

Many people ask why, and I ask why not. We are all lost in our bare understanding of our reality. We are so focused on our image of self, that we forget to remember who we all are.

Do they deserve anything? Do they really understand why we’re here anyway? How do we slip through all those who don’t understand, to rise, and to teach the world why we exist? To teach them to love everything and beyond.

We are the ones that walk along the thin rope to save the world. It’s getting thinner and thinner as we walk faster and faster. We are the ones who close their eyes and walk blindly on the railroad.

Don’t we all risk our lives, our already-dead lives into the void anyway? What really does happen when you wait on the middle of the railroad anyway? It brings the inevitable end just a bit closer, nothing particular on the cosmic timescale.

Do any of us matter anyway? Who will remember us when we die? Nobody wants to die, everyone wants to live. Live to the fullest, and share this life with someone that they can rely on. Someone that makes sense. Someone who shines a meaning to this whole thing. What would you do if you don’t have anyone?

Isn’t the calm whisper of death sweeter than life? Don’t you feel the uncomparable feeling of having the right to do literally anything with no obligation of expression to anyone whatsoever? If you deserve something and fight the neverending war inside your head, but can’t have it, are there really any rules for you to obey? Can’t you crack your own way out, whatever that is to realize yourself?

Do you really need to obey anything when you’ve got nothing to lose?

Out of Control

What would you do if you were spiraling out of control? What would you hold on to if everything is rotating in chaos?

Is there even an answer to that?

It’s one of those days that you wake up and feel dreaded and chaotic, as if you’ve woken up to an evil parallel universe for no apparent reason. You feel like something terrible is going to happen with no control at your side at all. It feels like everything you’ve fought for will collapse. You just feel disconnected and isolated.

It comes to a point that you don’t want to stay awake and hold on to any bottle that would keep you away from “reality”. But what is reality? Isn’t it the question that you’ve always asked? Isn’t it that one very question that you’d have a relief if you had the answer for?

So what is the thing that you would do if you’ve got no one to hold on to? When you can’t hold onto your friends, family, or anyone at all, when you can’t feel connected to anyone, when you feel isolated from the universe, what would you do? If you start not caring about the world, where would you start building your life back on? If you’d do anything to find that intimate connection, where would you go?

Would you ever find a place that would experience you a peace of mind?

God Mode

You can accomplish anything you want, except one thing. You can play the god, manipulate the environment in ways that the regular mortal can’t imagine.

But you can imagine. You can imagine a whole universe inside your consciousness where every single entity has a role.

What if you enter a cheat code, and suddenly you can change everything, but except one thing: you are lonely. You are lonely as god.

You do everything but you’ve got no one to share it with. It just doesn’t make sense. Does it really matter? If you’ve got everything but couldn’t find your goddess, is it of any intrinsic meaning to live it all? In this arena of wannabe goddesses, where you know none is real, how do you slip yourself?

Maybe all we need is a simpler life, with all we really need, and that’s it. No more games, no more meaningless challenges that deviate you away from your path. No more disconnected, and that’s it.

Deeply

The worst is to lose all hope. You want something so deeply and realize that it’s never going to happen. As long as you’ve got hope, it can happen. Where is the line? Where is the breaking point?

How can you see yourself from the third person’s view when you’re trapped inside your head?

There’s something terribly wrong with this world that I’d like to fix. Everybody have lost their true nature of love and a collective fighting of their ego have taken over. I don’t know where to start, but I know where to end.

Instead of fighting over who has more money or prestige, instead of fighting over who is “better”, wouldn’t it be better if we all held hands. Wouldn’t it be better if all the humans, regardless of nationality or gender, all the animals, and the sentience of the universe came together and remember that we are one after all.

If you’ve lost the sign of hope, if you know the ending chapter but not the introduction to an epic plot, where would you start? Would you ever be able to start anyway, or would you need someone to guide you?

How do you trust them? How do you trust anyone but yourself? Even when you hold hands would you be ever sure that they are in the same intellectual capacity? Would you really be able to know that they aren’t trying to abuse you?

Would you know that they won’t leave you on the middle of the road, alone? Would you want to continue without them, into the darkness of the night, even if you knew that the sun would take over anyway?

But if never left and walked together with you to the end… isn’t just the dream of it worth giving a shot for?

Single Answer

If you could get a single question answered, what would it be? From a simple daily question, to a philosophically-complex one, what would you ask? If you know the rules and know that you can’t ask for answers of more questions in any way, and as long as you state it clearly it could literally be anything, even the deepest secrets of this supposedly-deterministic multiverse with multiple unknowns at the quantum level, what would your question be? What would boggle your mind the most?

Once you get your answer, would you be satisfied? Would you ask in the mirror of the universe and, in a desperate attempt of excitement, say, “so this is it?”

Would you really want to have the mystical excitement about the deepest levels of information unfold? Would life be exciting as it used to be? Once you have your answers, would anything be exciting as it used to be?

Last Time

You see someone for the last time, without realizing that it’s the last. You say “see you”, never knowing that you’ll never see them again. It’s the last time that you look into their eyes and feel their presence. It’s the last time he or she speaks to you. It’s the last time that you touch.

But once you turn your back and head home, that’s it. If you knew that it was the last, could you really leave them here? If you knew that you were never seeing them again, how, if ever, could you say goodbye and walk away, knowing that this is it. What would you say? What would you feel? Would you open your heart and say the things that you always wanted to say?

Does it make a difference, anyway?

Does it make a difference, at all?