Control freak

Let go. That’s the lesson that I can’t learn over and over. I just can’t let go of anything; can’t let go of situations, events, people, relationships, memories, just about anything. I can’t let go of control. Everytime I lose control I find myself in chaos, imagining the infinite possibilities and focusing exclusively on the worst outcomes. Maybe it’s because I always defensively think of anything from a perspective of a hacker, an optimizer who cares about the finest details.

But aren’t the details the ones who cue about the mask behind? Isn’t it logical to think everything in my life will collapse the moment I let go? Except, it never actually does, and this is just an illusion. But how do you let go of logic in the first place when you’re trapped in the castle that you locked yourself in by numbers and equations? How do you gain the overview effect and learn to see this world outside the scope of maths and physics?

I love you, Control, but it’s a relationship that needs to come to an end. I must learn to live without you, and see everything’s in the right place, where they need to be. Everything’s under control, but not your control. It doesn’t need to be. Because it’s time for something new in your life. Someone that you can find only by letting go of everything.

And her name is;